How can coparenting responsibilities be divided justly?

Coparenting is a practice that has become more common, as families grow in unexpected ways. Parents try to put their children’s happiness and safety as a priority, while also attempting to balance the challenges and opportunities of a new romantic relationship. This reality completely changes the definition of what having a sibling means. Half-brothers and sisters and adoptive siblings quickly become the new normal for kids in these types of family units. What could be perceived as a complicated situation can also be an opportunity for children to share experiences with other kids that will grow to become lifelong friends. Take it from me, being a kid of co-parenting myself. 

That said, if parenting is already hard enough, try multiplying the responsibilities and duplicating the votes that need to be taken into account when making important life decisions. That is to say, raising one’s child already feels impossible at times. Now imagine trying to work with your partner’s exes to try to raise a lot more children. It is quite tricky to be on the same page, to say the least. But ultimately, getting there between co-parents means kids will get to have bigger and happier families. 

Growing up surrounded by siblings, from birth or acquired later in life, is simply an opportunity that is worth all the troubles. On that note, if you’re considering giving that to your own kids and venturing into the ups and downs that coparenting is, make sure that at least your significant other is willing to put just as much effort in as you. It is very hard, but when proper communication and teamwork enter the workflow, coparenting can really turn into a unique and wonderful experience for all parties involved. On the other hand, if you feel like you’re going to carry the load on your own, it’s best to tap out; for it will prove to be too much strain on one individual. 

This story closely relates to the entanglement that coparenting can become. A mother of a 9-year-old and a 5-year-old is trying to fit into her husband’s first kid’s life: a 12-year-old and a couple of adoptive sons. As a whole, this is one big family. For that reason, co-parenting has become key. At first, everyone seemed to be on the same page. The mother, the husband, and the husband’s ex all appeared to be working together so that the kids could share their childhood. However, as the couple is trying to plan their first big family vacation, doubts start to arise. The husband feels obligated to invite all the kids to the trip, including his adoptive boys. His current wife worries that it will turn their vacation into a babysitting package deal. She feels like when she and her husband have all the kids around, she ends up being the sole caretaker, while he focuses on “doing his own thing”. Because of this, she’s reluctant to allow all children to join the vacation, while admitting it might be hurtful for the boys not to be invited to a trip that their adoptive sister is attending. 

The internet is divided on this one. People argue that if some of the kids are going to get invited, then all children should go, so no one gets left out. On the other side, some people agree that taking all kids could become a real struggle for the mother, who seems to be taking on more responsibilities than she should. Whose side are you on with this one?